This reflection is part theological reflection and part book review based around Paul Swann’s excellent book, Sustaining Leadership (You Are More Important than Your Ministry).
In many ways the early days of Sabbatical was exactly the right time to read this book, as it focuses so much on the reasons why the Methodist Church gives the gift of Sabbatical to its Presbyters and Deacons. It is written by an Anglican Priest who was forced to retire early from Parish Ministry after suffering from total fatigue.
Even before I started reading this fact started off an important train of thought: that if I either force myself to work harder and harder to meet the expectations of the people in the churches I serve, or if I push myself to do more and more for God and keep doing so until I reach the point of breakdown or exhaustion then I’m not doing myself or anybody else any favours. I know and know of too many Methodist Ministers (and one or two Anglican Priests) whose ministry has been cut short through complete exhaustion, or mental breakdown, or both. In some cases, it is because the church has expected too much of them, but in others it’s because they have expected too much of themselves.
Part one of the book is entitled “Disintegration” and focuses on the author’s personal journey. Personal testimony like this is always helpful as one can see points of similarity but also points of difference that led to reflection. The three chapters in this section are a moving account of the author waking up one morning feeling physically and mentally exhausted and of having to take the difficult decision to resign from parish ministry because he just couldn’t do it anymore.
This, in itself, made me pause. Let me assure anybody reading this that I don’t think I am in any danger of mental breakdown or physical exhaustion, but the possibility that any Ordained person’s ministry could end in this way gave me pause for thought. God doesn’t call anybody to ordained ministry only for us to burn ourselves out. God loves us too much for that and there is a difference between sacrificial ministry and nearly killing yourself serving God and the church. Jesus commanded us to love others as we love ourselves. We often overlook the second half of the sentence. If we are not loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves, what quality of love and care are we offering to others?
The author goes on, in the next two chapters, to talk about how he learned a new dependence on God. Our human pride often gets in the way of acknowledging and realising that we depend on God for everything. This is a truth we find hard to accept; that without God we are nothing and can do nothing. All our efforts to serve God will fail unless we rely totally on God and on God’s strength alone. We all know that in theory, but we have to truly accept it in our hearts if we are to serve God faithfully and effectively.
In the third chapter the author talks about the need for Christian leaders to be personally vulnerable, and I’ll quote him directly here:
“Vulnerability is about the choice to no longer hide behind a mask of protection, but to let our wounds show. We dare to say, ‘I’m weak. I’m broken. I’m fragile. I’ve failed. But I’m still me and I’m still loved.’”
He also writes a little later:
“when we take the risk of embracing fragility by choosing to be vulnerable, we allow our wounds to show, as Jesus did in his resurrection appearances.”
This is an important message for those of us who are Christian leaders, whether lay or ordained. We are perhaps most effective when we allow our vulnerabilities to be seen by others. Of course, this is risky, because even in the church there are those who will try to exploit what they see as weakness in others to pursue their own selfish agenda: but any such risk is outweighed by far by the benefits that our being vulnerable can bring to others.
I remember being given a huge compliment during my first few months as a Probationer Presbyter. A member of my largest congregation said she and others liked my sermons because I was willing to share with them the times when I’d got things wrong and the times I failed. Another said that they could never really say they knew the previous two Ministers, but that they knew me.
I hope that my present congregations would say the same.
The other thing I picked up from this third chapter was the phrase “nothing is required of you.” The author expands on this, writing, “We will still have to do lists, but we can youare……. Some things can wait, some things can be passed on and some things can even be done less than perfectly or left undone.”
Another phrase comes to mind, “lack of preparation on the part of another does not and should not constitute an emergency for me.”
God created us to be human beings rather than human doings. We should not be defined by what we do but by our relationship with God, which must be the primary focus of our being. We perhaps understand ourselves best when we understand ourselves in relation to God.
Part two of Sustaining Leadership is entitled “Reintegration” and contains lots of helpful, useful and God inspired ideas for sustaining ministry. I don’t want to give everything away because I would suggest every Christian in a leadership position, both ordained and lay, would benefit from all the wisdom in its 150 pages. These include taking a proper Sabbath Day ever week (since God gave the Sabbath as a gift to us), learning how to say no and not filling diaries to unrealistic levels and being aware of the things lurking beneath the surface that can capsize us or stop us completely.
This is a really worthwhile read for anybody who is already in a Christian leadership role and for anybody who is going to be taking such a role. Its certainly a good book to read at the start of Sabbatical.
