Negatively Commenting On the Appearance of Others

 One of the things that has been on my mind lately is the compulsion some people seem to have to comment negatively on the appearance of others; to comment on their clothing choices, to comment on the length and style of their hair, to comment on whether or not they choose to wear makeup...... the list goes on.

My train of thought started with Boris Johnson and his comments a couple of years ago on a minority of Muslim women who choose to wear the niqab.  He disparaging comments were both uncalled for and unnecessary.  If Muslim women choose to wear the niqab or the burka, and it is their own free will choice not forced upon them by anybody else, then surely that is their own business.  There can be no possible reason for commenting on it.

I then moved on to thinking about hair length.  I sometimes have my hair reasonably short, but at other times grow it longer.  I happen to like it longer even though there isn’t a lot of it left on the top, it expresses my personality.  In my previous appointment there were people at one of my churches who would actually tell me it was time to get my hair cut; as if it was actually any of their business.  The length of my hair, or indeed other aspects of my appearance, are completely irrelevant to how I serve as a Church Minister.

Today I read the following on Twitter:

“Doing my makeup on the train this morning and a random man told me he likes a woman to have a more natural look. I told him I like men to have a more silent look.”

Why did this “man” feel the need to comment on a complete stranger putting on her makeup?  What business was it of his?  He is entitled to his opinion, of course, but why did he feel the need to express it?

I have literally lost count of the number of times I have heard people critcise the appearance of another, and sadly it happens in churches too.  A few years before I was ordained I heard a new Minister’s wife being criticised because she turned up for her first Sunday at church in a jumper and jeans, instead of the kind of smarter attire the vast majority of that church’s ladies favoured.  I’m told by reliable people that there was horror amongst some when I turned up to church in my thirties one Sunday without wearing a tie!

How about we all just stop making negative comments about the appearance of others? Seriously.  Just stop!  It doesn’t really achieve anything except to upset and hurt the person about whom the comments are made.  People think that criticising what other people wear is harmless, that they are “just expressing their opinion”, but it can cause emotional and mental damage and see that person repressing their true personality, the personality they are expressing through the way they dress, style their hair, choose their makeup etc.

Some who do this will defend the practice by saying they are just trying to help the person concerned: to help them look better etc..... Look better by whose standards?  In whose opinion?  It’s all subjective.

If you can’t same something nice about another’s appearance , why say it at all?